Phases of Grieving

People often react to major events in predictable patterns. For the COVID-19 epidemic, I think the stages of grieving concept can help to understand these reactions. The stages (or phases) of grieving are:

1. Denial.
2. Anger.
3. Bargaining.
4. Depression.
5. Acceptance.

Clearly, the corona virus epidemic is a grievous event. By the time it is over, most of us will know someone who suffered severely from the COVID-19 disease, and someone who died.

To be able to deal with grieve, people go through the phases above. Sometimes, someone gets "stuck" in an early phase, and never reaches the "Acceptance" level. This usually has terrible consequences for the person, who remains in anger or depression for long periods.

When coming to terms with the COVID-19 pandemic, keep the phases of grieving in mind. Denial is natural. Some people are part of groups that encourage staying in the denial phase. Regarding them as (insert your favorite derogatory term here) helps nobody. But perhaps you can help them move forward.

Anger is the next phase after denial. Again, this is natural. We want to find someone responsible for bad things, and be angry at them. If there is not really someone we can blame, we still try to find someone, however tenuous the connection may be.

Some politicians try to use this phase to their advantage by directing the anger. Do not let them. This applies to both sides. Someone who lies all the time will not change now. Expose the lies. Remember the lies. But keep your anger in check. It is holding you back.

The bargaining phase comes next. This is a sign of progress. If the event is something final like the death of a close friend, this phase will have little impact. But for the COVID-19 epidemic, this is when we start to think productively: what can I do to not get infected? What can I do to not infect others? This can lead to positive changes.

But soon, we realize that what we can do is limited. Perhaps we can find a way to not get infected, but there is little we can do to affect the overall outcome. Depression sets in. Again, this is natural. Expect it. Recognize it. And move on.

The final phase is acceptance. We know that we event is real. We realized that anger will not help us right now, even if there are reasons to be angry. We have seen the limits of bargaining. And we are emerging from depression. Now, we can finally go on with our lives. Hopefully, you will reach the acceptance phase long before the COVID-19 pandemic is over. It will get worse than it is now, and may affect us for years to come. But only when we reach acceptance can we do whatever we can contribute to containing it, without being hindered by our natural emotions.
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I am just starting to enter the acceptance phase. I was in denial through most of January and February ("this won't affect us"). I was angry at necessary things not happening in the US (but then I saw that many other countries are also struggling). When my friend Craig told me to focus on facts rather than anger, he helped me enter the bargaining phase - maybe I can help a little by reading all the research coming out, and blogging about it! Depression came soon after - what will I really change? Fortunately, I had plenty of wind, sunshine, and a loving wife to help me through the depression phase, so it never got really bad.

If you see others acting in what seems irrational to you, keep the phases of grieving in mind. Maybe you can also help them along, and help us all to contain the pandemic.

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This post was originally posted on 3/16/2020 at boardsurfr.blogspot.com/2020/03/phases-of-grieving.html